At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize