Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
