Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
