so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
