According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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