After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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