you guys were way drunker than both of me
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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