she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize