They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
