Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
