Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
