this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
