She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Your dad touched me again.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
