Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
