Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
