it wasn't lemon gatorade
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
