somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We talked him into tasing himself.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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