One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
