Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
