Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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