So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
