Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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