Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
