You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
