I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
