i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
last night I used snow as a chaser
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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