Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
