If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
