I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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