i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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