i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize