the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Houston, we have a blender
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
