I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
