I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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