It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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