Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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