I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
