Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
