so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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