I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
