Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
