She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
