okay pat passed out under dana's car
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
