Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
