he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
