I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
