Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Randomize
