Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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