guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
