I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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