Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
