Do vagina's smell?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
