I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
