I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
