Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
