My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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