I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize