you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Every concussion has its silver lining
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
