ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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