...so i touched it.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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