You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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