I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Farmville is her only friend.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
