my mouth tastes like poor choices
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
