I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
