her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
