let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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