if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
