dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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