im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
