at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
