$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just gift wrapped bread.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
