I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
