I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
