Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
