bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
