Sponge bath it is.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
