i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
His hands were made for my vagina.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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