I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
