I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
