Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize