How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
