There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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