Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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