..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize
