A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize