Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
