I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
