Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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