we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize