Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
