Porn is love you can see.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize