Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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