apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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