No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize