margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
