so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
