i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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