she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
