You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
