turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
