I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
