She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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