Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I skipped work to stalk him.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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