Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I think my moral compass just broke
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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