i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
