i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
