'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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