I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
