I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
